You know how every non-fiction book in the last three years has been about the author doing one odd, life-disrupting thing for one full year and then writing a book about it? I'm reading one of those books a week for one full year and then writing a book about it. It's My Year Of Everything, and you're soaking in it. CONTACT: Dave Holmesemail@example.com
Have you guys ever been to Fullerton? If not, have you ever watched Fuel? Fullerton is like someone changed the channel to Fuel, then shook the television and all the people fell out. Baseball caps pulled down low, white socks pulled up high*. Sleeve tattoos and swing dance, regardless of what kind of music is playing. Bottle service. On a Tuesday**. Orange County, you are goofy.
Anyway, I’m super-famous in Fullerton, so I should spend more time there. Just before the show, a woman pulled me aside:
“I know you from somewhere. What’s your name?”
“Dave. Dave Holmes.”
“How…how do I know you?”
“I was a VJ at MTV for a few years.”
“I do a thing on FX? Or Reno 911, maybe?”
“WAIT. THAT’S IT.”
“You’re a patient of Dr. Khachadoorian, the dentist on Orangethorpe!”
* What is the all-the-way-up white socks thing, by the way? It is a uniquely Orange County thing. Orange County and Long John Silver’s.
** I object to bottle service any night of the week, but Tuesday seems especially wrong, especially when your mixers of choice are Rockstar and Carb-Free Rockstar.